I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In other news, I just burned my penis
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
as a side note pls kill me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
