When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
