Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
