Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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