i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you made out with another girl for some wings
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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