Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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