dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
