i need an iv and a liver transplant
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
