Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
