Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
