I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
