did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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