Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize