he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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