I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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