i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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