the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize