Christians are straight up FREAKS
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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