Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
