new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize