I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
