Cold hands, warm shart.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
