I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
