did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
