Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
