Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
