I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
