Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize