don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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