I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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