i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize