yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
