If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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