if i died would you start the facebook group?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
