could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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