its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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