Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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