the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He shit in the fireplace
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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