This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
