So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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