I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
