Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
