Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
