it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
