Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
