mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
