it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
two words...techno handjob
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
