angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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