Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
