Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
