I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize