Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
