I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
