Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
