Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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