shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
