We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just invented taco cereal.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
