He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Drake has all the answers
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
