so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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