I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
