so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
