In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize