Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
