Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
